First, I am a graduate, never married, and am still a virgin. Seems a rarity in society today. Movies and TV shows seem to stigmatize virgins as if something is wrong with them. We hear in daily conversation that "you just need to get laid." As if that is the ultimate solution to our problems!
I remain chaste because God tells us to. I do not use saving myself for marriage as my main reason. The reason I do not is because I may not get married. It seems that if saving myself for marriage was my reason, I might remain chaste for my entire life and never receive "my prize." Saving for marriage is certainly a valid reason, and is one of my reasons, but is not my main reason. On Dave Ramsey's show one day, he was talking about a saying he uses with his children about premarital sex. He tells them to not ruin the great things with the good things. Meaning, yes sex can be a wonderful thing, even outside of marriage, but is even better in marriage. My main reason though is because God tells us to.
We see this idea of remaining pure for God in a lot of verses. First, Jesus tells us to be holy as our father is holy. Paul also tells us in Ephesians 5 to be imitators of God. He explains this as including sexual immorality. This shows that to be holy like God, we are to remain pure. We are to not conform to this world, but to prepare and live for God's kingdom. We are shown in movies and tv shows that having sex outside of marriage is normal. As members of God's people, this is not normal for us. We are called to live a higher lifestyle. Christ died for us while we were yet sinners, but he didn't save us so we could remain sinners. God's great love for us demands a response beyond our faith, and that is to live a holy life. Paul tells us that we are no longer slaves to the law but slaves to righteousness. We are a new creation, called to live for God. How can we do this if we live sexually immoral lives?
Another reason is the reason God gave us sex. Obviously an important reason is procreation. Another reason though is to join together a man and woman. In the bible, we see that a man and woman become one flesh in marriage through sex. The old testament repeatedly shows two people becoming joined together through sex. It often uses the phrase of a man knowing his wife. He is knowing her in a way no other man should know. Their flesh is uniting as they become one. Clearly, this should not be done outside of marriage. The law says that if a man sleeps with a woman, that woman has become his wife. I do not want to be married right now, so I will not participate in the act of becoming one with a girl.
This purity does not extend to just our physical actions, but also our hearts and minds. Jesus says that sin is committed not just when a man has an affair with a woman, but when he lusts for her in his heart. This introduces a hardship on people who are trying to remain pure. Our daily life is full of sexual images. Seeing these on a daily basis creates a struggle for me. It is often said that noone is hurt if both people consent to having sex, but this is not a valid reason. While noone may be physically hurt, our spirit and heart is hurt. God commands us to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. When we commit sexual sin, we are not loving God through our strength, our mind, our heart, or our spirit. Our actions reveal our heart. I hope to share some things that help me in times of struggle.
First, fleeing the central. This is a saying I heard at Breakaway many years ago. The speaker was saying that if you cannot be on the internet without looking at sex sites, then stay off the internet! If being with a group of friends causes you to sin, stay away from that group. Flee what is tempting you to sin. Jesus says the same thing by saying that if your right eye causes you to sin, cut it out and cast it into the fire. In high school, I had friends that wanted to go to the strip joints as soon as they turned 18. This never really appealed to me, so I chose to not go when I turned 18, and still haven't been. I choose to not watch movies with a lot of sexual scenes, as I know if could easily lead me to sin. If I feel tempted while on the internet, I try to get off and go for a walk or do something to get away from the temptation. I have some friends who used internet blockers and had someone else setup the password.
Another thing that helps me is to be around like-minded people. Now I certainly have friends who had premarital sex, and being chaste isn't a requirement to be my friend, but my closest friends are people who I am in agreement with. I do not think that I would be able to date someone who does not share in my ideas of being chaste while single. This is not to rule out anyone who had sex before, but it would be important that they are now of the same mindset. This is because of the importance of sex in marriage. We saw the importance God places on sex. How could I potentially marry someone who does not agree with how God binds us together? Most of my friends are of the same mindset as me, which is a great encouragement. It is a great help to be able to share my struggles with a friend who understands and supports my decision.
Finally, prayer. God does not expect us to be able to do this on our own. I must often ask God to give me strength to help from falling into temptation, both with my body and on my heart.
I will also add in the benefit this can have in a marriage. I cannot speak from experience, but have heard many people say that sex is more rewarding when it is reserved for marriage. As Dave Ramsey mentioned, don't ruin the great things with the good things.
I hope that my thoughts are clear and can be of encouragement. I invite anyone who wishes to share their thoughts on this topic. I often think that it isn't fair that I miss out on something enjoyable just because I am single and struggle with remaining pure. It is only because of God that I have been able to remain chaste. I will end with a message of hope that Paul gives us. This will not be an easy task, but will be worth it. Living for God is not without a promise.
quote:Romans 5:3-5
3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
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