So, are you married?

I am tired of constantly being asked this question. During a profession evaluation, my appraiser actually asked me is I was dating anyone or if I wanted help meeting some of the single teachers at my school. When I visit back in places I use to live, I am often asked this. When I talk to my family, they always ask if I am "serious" with any of my friends who are girls. Last year, when I moved to Midland, I was visiting several churches. At one, several people introduced themselves and I did the same. They then asked if I was married. One gentleman came, introduced himself, and then asked "you single?" It was refreshing to get to say yes for once! He invited me to visit the single adult Sunday school class he and his wife taught. Last week I was at a science teacher meeting for two schools. I had prepared a few handouts and a teacher from the other school commented "figured you were single since you had all this extra time." I was speechless. Questions of my marriage status or dating status occurred as recent as this past Sunday. I was not at church this Sunday since I was out of town. My friend who is in the choir with me missed the first service, but arrived for the second service. Since she was not at first service, someone asked where she was. Someone then quickly asked where I was, insinuating an obvious connection. Luckily the choir director jumped in and set the record straight. What is wrong with being single?

I am sure few people would say that there is anything wrong with being single. However, as cliche as it is, actions speak louder. A look at my culture shows a strong focus on marriage and families. The largest characteristic of me is my religion. I am protestant. As watching the evening news shows, the largest issues for the mouthpieces of the protestants are homosexuality and abortion. Not really issues I deal with on a daily basis. Some of the larger mouthpieces are Focus on the Family and American Family Association. Both organizations tout the importance of marriage and children, and of course the big buzz word, family values. Now I do not think that these organizations are trying to tell singles that they are wrong, on an activism site of the AFA, it says singles are welcome, but I do think that promoting family values leaves out those who do not have a family of their own. The obvious "ideal" Christian family would be a married couple with children, not a single male. What would living family values mean for a single?
Many churches are built around families. Few churches that I have been in have had a strong young adult singles ministry. Most ministries in a church focus on children, families, married adults, and divorced singles. I do not fit into any of those categories.

Since my religion is the biggest part of who I am, let's take a religious look at singleness.

1 Corinthians 7:7-8, “I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness. Now I say to those who aren't married, and to widows – it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am.”

Often times, singles are comforted by the idea that singleness is a "gift from God." Are we born with the gift of singleness which God chooses to trade for the gift of marriage on certain people? So I do end up getting married in the future, am I forsaking the gift God has given me? On the opposite side, since I have not gotten married, have I shunned the gift of marriage which God attempted to give me? May it be not! In my opinion, Paul is not saying that I am stuck in singleness because it is the gift God has given me, but that Paul is saying to be content in all things. Let's look at the text in context.

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

So if Paul is truly saying that my singleness is a gift from God, would Paul also be saying that my gift is not stronger than temptation? Instead, I believe Paul is speaking more of being content with where you currently are. You can read more about my contentness in an earlier post. If you feel led to marriage and are married, live for God. Paul gives numerous directive to wives and husbands. If you are still single, then live for God. That is being content! Living for God in ALL situations!

Another things that people often comfort singles with is that "God will show you the perfect one he made for you." This is clearly an unbiblically supported view. This is not found anywhere in the Bible, instead it comes from Greek philosophy taught by Plato. The Bible does not speak of how to find the perfect spouse, but how to love your spouse. There are many people we could marry. Finding the perfect person does not make your marriage perfect. However, how you live with the one you marry does make a bigger difference. In a perfect world, we would all have that one soulmate, but we live in a fallen world.

So what does this mean for me? That society is focused on marriage. Focused on how to find a date, on how to attract women, on who to marry, on how to recover from divorce, on how to love your spouse. That is great for those people. How about we also focus on how to live for God as singles? This should not be about how to honor God in a dating relationship, but how to honor God in day to day living. If you are currently single, you may be very content. If you are not, then begin living for God in all times. I have laid down my desire of marriage. Does this mean I do not want to be married? No! But it is not my first priority. If the possibility of marriage arises, I will deal with it. But in day to day living, my focus will be on God. After all, God doesn't immediately strike down those who are willing to die for His name. It just means that we put him first.