Today in church, the message was on Mark 9:38-50. The pastor started out with talking about favorite verses in the Bible. He asked us to think of ours and mentioned a few of his. One of those was John 11:35. In 4th grade when he was assigned to memorize his favorite bible for Sunday school. Being a smart man, he quickly decided that John 11:35 was his favorite. He wrapped it up by saying that no one's favorite verse is Mark 9:44. I quickly glanced at my Bible to see what verse 44 was. Well, that is when I found that there was no verse 44, it goes straight from 43 to 45 to 47. The pastor then said that no one he has met has said that they liked the verse saying to cut off your hand if it causes you to sin. Turns out that that is verse 43, not 44. The footnotes of my Bible say that verse 44 and 46, which are the same as 48, are included in some ancient manuscripts, but not in modern translations. I tried explaining to the pastor after the service that verse 44 wasn't in the Bible, but he was just expecting a hand shake and a good morning and was confused by my comments.
So the pastor was right, no one's favorite verse is Mark 9:44, but not because it talks about cutting off your hand, but because it isn't in the Bible.
I'll add this to my favorite bloopers in church that I have witnessed, most of which were caused by me.
Other great bloopers include:
#1) Forgiving Jesus of his sins
In church, the congregational prayer was printed in the bulletin. The pastor was leading it and as a congregation, we said "Jesus, your sins are forgiven." I mentioned it to my grandma who didn't notice who mentioned it to the pastor who also hadn't noticed.
#2) I read the wrong scripture in church
In my church growing up, one Sunday a month, the youth read the scripture. Since I was the only youth who went to the early service, I was the one who read it once a month on behalf of the youth. Sometimes someone told me I was reading, usually I just showed up at church and saw my name in the bulletin. One Sunday I arrived at church, saw my name in the bulletin, and looked up the scripture. I do not remember what the Sunday was, but it was a specific Sunday that would have used specific scripture. I noticed that the scripture listed was not for the Sunday and was probably a chapter off. I told my grandma that I was going to ask the pastor if it was the next chapter that was too be read. She said that the pastor knew what he was preaching on and choose the specific verses for a reason. Very well, don't argue with grandma. I get up, read the scripture, then sit down. The pastor begins saying "Thanks for reading, however we had a typo in the bulletin and it should be the next chapter."
#3) I edit the morning Scripture
Another morning, I arrived, saw my name, grabbed the Bible, and headed up to read. Standing in front of the microphone, I begin, "He left that place and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. On the sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astounded. They said, "Where did this man get all this? What is this wisdom that has been given to him? What deeds of power are being done by his hands! Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and," I looked at the next word. Joses. I mutter to myself "whoa that's a weird word," jerking my head back as I remembered there was a microphone in front of me. I glance at the pastor sitting next to me. Should I asked them for pronunciation help? I look back to the audience. Does it rhyme with Moses? Is the J silent in Hebrew? Lots of questions! I decided to just skip over that word and move on to an easy name, Simon. Luckily my hesitation was quick enough that no one noticed.
#4) False start on the Lord's Supper
One Sunday I was at a church I had been attending for a while. By chance, I hadn't taken communion before in the church. While I was walking in, I was asked if I would help distribute the elements. Sure, this can't be hard. When it came time, I succeeded in passing out the elements and placed the plate back on the cart at the back of the sanctuary, grabbed my bread and wine. Partook, then sat down. The pastor then said "As we join together in the bread, are we not united in Christ? Let us now take the bread together." Opps! My bad...
#5) Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.
When I first went to college, I decided that I should expand my vocabulary. To show off my collegiate vocabulary, I would use big words, even if they didn't fit into the situation. One night at Bible study, we were studying the Holy Spirit and I said "Jesus said he was going to send us the adversary." I got in my big word! Yes! The Bible study leader said "what?" I repeated eruditely, "Jesus said he was going to send us the adversary." "I think you might want to look that one up." Turns out the appropriate word was advocate, not adversary. Isn't blasphemy of the Holy Spirit the unpardonable sin? Ekk!
It is a good thing we have eternity to get this right!
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When I saw what the scripture was on Sunday... I wanted to get up and go back home. There was an episode of Little House on the Praire that I remember from my childhood. Mrs. Ingalls cuts her hand and gets a horrible infection, leaving her completely delusional and fever ridden. She must have been all alone, because she decided that the hand was offending the Lord and needed to be cut off. They show her with a knife, bloody hand, everything. I had nightmares about that episode and passage in the Bible for months. My mom said I was on tv restriction and could revist the praire in a few months.
That passage came up for discussion in my book club in August and then Pastor Greg spoke about it yesterday. I'll figure out why the passage is coming up so much in my life, but I will never put it in my top five list.
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