In a post a couple of years ago, I wrote about three questions a pastor asked me. They were, Where are you in your walk with God; what do you struggle with; what can the church do for you? Here were my responses from then.
1) Where are you on your walk with God?
This is hard to say. I can say where I have been, but it is hard to say where I am. I became a Christian when I was 15. I say became because that is when I feel that I made a decision for myself to follow God, though it was certainly guided by my upbringing. After becoming a Christian, I continued to be involved in Bible studies and taught a few Bible studies in college. My knowledge and understanding of God and His teachings continue to change as I spend more time in His word. In college, a lot of my beliefs were challenged. Not in a way to say they were wrong, but challenged in that I didn't have Biblical support for them. They were just what I was taught. Through out college, I began to dig deeper into the Bible, learning how to study it and apply it to my life. I feel that my beliefs today are firmly planted in scripture. Where I am right now, I guess I feel like I am not sure. I am close to God, spend time daily in the Word and in prayer, do a better job of being a Christian day-by-day, and am constantly striving to be a better Christian. Not to brag but perhaps to help me see that I am on the right path, I have had numerous people say things that indicated that they knew I was a strong Christian. I feel I do a much better job now of talking about God outside of the Church. I will elaborate more on this later. I think perhaps having my blog has helped as it has given me a place to write my thoughts and be comfortable with them. I think I am much better at writing than talking. As far as where I go in my path? I have a desire to pursue nursing and use this skill in the mission field, perhaps Africa. But as for my personal relationship with God, I feel like I lack a mentor or leader or someone who has gone before me who can help me on my path.
2) What do you struggle with?
Obeying God and being content with my life
Obeying God
Not in the black and white issues of not sinning. I sin, daily even, but I do not struggle in that as much as I do in following God's will in my life. Here is an example
When I was in high school I had an album of Ross King called Sullivan's Flaw. I loved the entire album except song number 10, Up To Me. The song talks about how he comes in contact with lost people everyday, people in need of Christ, but doesn't tell them. He instead tells God that He shouldn't leave that up to him because it isn't the best use of his gifts.
I didn't like this song because it seemed to call me out! To me it was saying, "Go tell others about me!" I certainly didn't like the tone of that.
But then I found the answer! The answer was in the words of St. Francis of Assisi. "Always preach the gospel, use words if necessary." That was the answer! I didn't HAVE to tell anyone! After all, I am preaching it without words! Yes! This will save the lost and free the pressure God was putting on me to go and actually tell others about him.
Now granted the words of Francis of Assis required that you were actually living a life of righteousness. I was doing that, after all I went to church every Sunday and often times went to Wednesday night bible study. Sometimes I even wore a Christian shirt to school! Surely this was living the gospel with life! You didn't have to do anything, just look the part, right?
The song finally made sense. It wasn't wrong for the guy to tell God to not leave the task of telling others about Jesus up to him. In fact, it was a prayer! God, you see, I am not good at this. Find someone else. I will just "live it." I am not good with "words."
Well that worked well until the next time I heard the song. So I started programming my CD player to play all the songs on the album except song #10. This worked well until song #9 ended. Unfortunately, I had heard the album in its entirety enough times that my mind would automatically go to song #10 after #9.
Well surely there has to be some Biblical support for my stance. Surely God understood when others said "Hey, I will do anything you want, but I won't do that." Oh here it is, Moses! In Exodus 4:10, Moses speaks to God after God calls him to go and tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go and worship in the desert for 3 days. Moses says "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Yes! A great example for me to use before God. You see God, I am just not a good talker. Remember when I was a kid, I couldn't even say my R's! How am I suppose to talk about Christ when I use to say "Chwist" as a kid! Well, God responds to Moses' plea in verse 11 and 12. "The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." Well, the only solace I could find was that at least he was talking to Moses and not me. But Moses doesn't give up. Moses begs God again in verse 13, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Surely God will understand Moses and my's plea! Then the Lord's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth." OK, so God got pretty upset with Moses, but at least he got out of having to talk, right? Well, no. As we read Exodus, we see that both Moses and Aaron have to do quite a bit of talking and a lot of work. That isn't important when I was 16 years old. I had the example I needed. I don't have to preach the Gospel, it's not my gift! Find someone else!
Then in Mexico, I talked. I had gone to Tuxpan, Mexico on a trip with my church to work on building a church and to operate a vacation bible school for the neighborhood. One night, after we had finished our work for the day, I was walking the streets around the hotel with a friend. Two Mexicans walked up asking if we were Americans. We said yes and one of them proceeded to tell us that he worked oil rigs out of Galveston and was back home on leave. He wanted to talk to us to practice his English. We visited with them on the street just outside our hotel for a few minutes before one of the adults on the trip came out to let us know it was time for evening devotion. She saw the men and told them we were Christians. They responded that they understood and oddly enough, I invited them to join us for evening devotion in the hotel. Afterwards, we invited the two men to have cokes in the hotel restaurant. I was visiting with one of the Mexicans while my friend visited with the other. I pulled out a bible track I had in my pocket (afterall, just carrying it is preaching the gospel without having to talk, right?) and shared it with the man. After we talked about, he said he wanted to take it with him so he could check a few words in the dictionary. The next day, while walking the streets, the Mexican and I crossed paths. He thanked me for sharing the gospel with him and that he really appreciated it.
So I did it! I spoke! I did it once I can do it again, right?
Well, that was that for the next 7 or 8 years. Silence returned to my mouth. I continued to skip over track #10. I have just recently begun openly speaking the gospel. I am not sure what caused me to finally start talking all the time. Perhaps God's spirit finally urged me enough to follow God. Perhaps I was tired of never hearing the gospel preached in public and in church that the Spirit used the opportunity to get me to begin talking. I am no longer afraid of opening my mouth and letting the gospel come out.
The words God told Moses still ring true. He will be our words. It is He who speaks. It is He that allows His word to go out to the masses like a sword. It is He who will teach us what we should say at that time. All we must do is trust and open our mouths.
Being content
In my own life, I am far from the person that I want to be. I often feel that I am in constant struggle against myself. I relate to Paul when he writes that he does the things he doesn't want to do and doesn't do what he wants to do. I am very happy with my friends. I couldn't ask for anything better with my friends than to wish for more time with them. I have friends that are always there for me and are willing to do anything for me. They care for me and seek for ways to help me be a better person. Materially I lack for nothing. I already feel that I have way to much stuff. I would love to be able to fit everything I owned into two boxes. Having too much stuff does not appeal to me. I am content with my friends, I am content with my possessions, but am not content with my daily living.
Because I am not content with my daily living, I often dream about living in another place or time. A much simpler life appeals greatly to me. I often dream what my life would be like if I lived hundreds of years ago. If perhaps I lived in grandparents generation. Or even if I lived in a remote area. Or is I was married. To me, these dreams are an acknowledgment that I am not content with my life.
1) Where are you on your walk with God?
This is hard to say. I can say where I have been, but it is hard to say where I am. I became a Christian when I was 15. I say became because that is when I feel that I made a decision for myself to follow God, though it was certainly guided by my upbringing. After becoming a Christian, I continued to be involved in Bible studies and taught a few Bible studies in college. My knowledge and understanding of God and His teachings continue to change as I spend more time in His word. In college, a lot of my beliefs were challenged. Not in a way to say they were wrong, but challenged in that I didn't have Biblical support for them. They were just what I was taught. Through out college, I began to dig deeper into the Bible, learning how to study it and apply it to my life. I feel that my beliefs today are firmly planted in scripture. Where I am right now, I guess I feel like I am not sure. I am close to God, spend time daily in the Word and in prayer, do a better job of being a Christian day-by-day, and am constantly striving to be a better Christian. Not to brag but perhaps to help me see that I am on the right path, I have had numerous people say things that indicated that they knew I was a strong Christian. I feel I do a much better job now of talking about God outside of the Church. I will elaborate more on this later. I think perhaps having my blog has helped as it has given me a place to write my thoughts and be comfortable with them. I think I am much better at writing than talking. As far as where I go in my path? I have a desire to pursue nursing and use this skill in the mission field, perhaps Africa. But as for my personal relationship with God, I feel like I lack a mentor or leader or someone who has gone before me who can help me on my path.
2) What do you struggle with?
Obeying God and being content with my life
Obeying God
Not in the black and white issues of not sinning. I sin, daily even, but I do not struggle in that as much as I do in following God's will in my life. Here is an example
When I was in high school I had an album of Ross King called Sullivan's Flaw. I loved the entire album except song number 10, Up To Me. The song talks about how he comes in contact with lost people everyday, people in need of Christ, but doesn't tell them. He instead tells God that He shouldn't leave that up to him because it isn't the best use of his gifts.
I didn't like this song because it seemed to call me out! To me it was saying, "Go tell others about me!" I certainly didn't like the tone of that.
But then I found the answer! The answer was in the words of St. Francis of Assisi. "Always preach the gospel, use words if necessary." That was the answer! I didn't HAVE to tell anyone! After all, I am preaching it without words! Yes! This will save the lost and free the pressure God was putting on me to go and actually tell others about him.
Now granted the words of Francis of Assis required that you were actually living a life of righteousness. I was doing that, after all I went to church every Sunday and often times went to Wednesday night bible study. Sometimes I even wore a Christian shirt to school! Surely this was living the gospel with life! You didn't have to do anything, just look the part, right?
The song finally made sense. It wasn't wrong for the guy to tell God to not leave the task of telling others about Jesus up to him. In fact, it was a prayer! God, you see, I am not good at this. Find someone else. I will just "live it." I am not good with "words."
Well that worked well until the next time I heard the song. So I started programming my CD player to play all the songs on the album except song #10. This worked well until song #9 ended. Unfortunately, I had heard the album in its entirety enough times that my mind would automatically go to song #10 after #9.
Well surely there has to be some Biblical support for my stance. Surely God understood when others said "Hey, I will do anything you want, but I won't do that." Oh here it is, Moses! In Exodus 4:10, Moses speaks to God after God calls him to go and tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go and worship in the desert for 3 days. Moses says "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Yes! A great example for me to use before God. You see God, I am just not a good talker. Remember when I was a kid, I couldn't even say my R's! How am I suppose to talk about Christ when I use to say "Chwist" as a kid! Well, God responds to Moses' plea in verse 11 and 12. "The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." Well, the only solace I could find was that at least he was talking to Moses and not me. But Moses doesn't give up. Moses begs God again in verse 13, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Surely God will understand Moses and my's plea! Then the Lord's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth." OK, so God got pretty upset with Moses, but at least he got out of having to talk, right? Well, no. As we read Exodus, we see that both Moses and Aaron have to do quite a bit of talking and a lot of work. That isn't important when I was 16 years old. I had the example I needed. I don't have to preach the Gospel, it's not my gift! Find someone else!
Then in Mexico, I talked. I had gone to Tuxpan, Mexico on a trip with my church to work on building a church and to operate a vacation bible school for the neighborhood. One night, after we had finished our work for the day, I was walking the streets around the hotel with a friend. Two Mexicans walked up asking if we were Americans. We said yes and one of them proceeded to tell us that he worked oil rigs out of Galveston and was back home on leave. He wanted to talk to us to practice his English. We visited with them on the street just outside our hotel for a few minutes before one of the adults on the trip came out to let us know it was time for evening devotion. She saw the men and told them we were Christians. They responded that they understood and oddly enough, I invited them to join us for evening devotion in the hotel. Afterwards, we invited the two men to have cokes in the hotel restaurant. I was visiting with one of the Mexicans while my friend visited with the other. I pulled out a bible track I had in my pocket (afterall, just carrying it is preaching the gospel without having to talk, right?) and shared it with the man. After we talked about, he said he wanted to take it with him so he could check a few words in the dictionary. The next day, while walking the streets, the Mexican and I crossed paths. He thanked me for sharing the gospel with him and that he really appreciated it.
So I did it! I spoke! I did it once I can do it again, right?
Well, that was that for the next 7 or 8 years. Silence returned to my mouth. I continued to skip over track #10. I have just recently begun openly speaking the gospel. I am not sure what caused me to finally start talking all the time. Perhaps God's spirit finally urged me enough to follow God. Perhaps I was tired of never hearing the gospel preached in public and in church that the Spirit used the opportunity to get me to begin talking. I am no longer afraid of opening my mouth and letting the gospel come out.
The words God told Moses still ring true. He will be our words. It is He who speaks. It is He that allows His word to go out to the masses like a sword. It is He who will teach us what we should say at that time. All we must do is trust and open our mouths.
Being content
In my own life, I am far from the person that I want to be. I often feel that I am in constant struggle against myself. I relate to Paul when he writes that he does the things he doesn't want to do and doesn't do what he wants to do. I am very happy with my friends. I couldn't ask for anything better with my friends than to wish for more time with them. I have friends that are always there for me and are willing to do anything for me. They care for me and seek for ways to help me be a better person. Materially I lack for nothing. I already feel that I have way to much stuff. I would love to be able to fit everything I owned into two boxes. Having too much stuff does not appeal to me. I am content with my friends, I am content with my possessions, but am not content with my daily living.
Because I am not content with my daily living, I often dream about living in another place or time. A much simpler life appeals greatly to me. I often dream what my life would be like if I lived hundreds of years ago. If perhaps I lived in grandparents generation. Or even if I lived in a remote area. Or is I was married. To me, these dreams are an acknowledgment that I am not content with my life.
3) What can the Church do for you?
Accept me as I am, provide sound, Biblical based teachings and studies, and social activities.
Accept me as I am
Just about everywhere I go, a commonly asked question is "are you married?" It is certainly understandable but it always seems that I am disappointing them when I say that I am single. It seems the only people happy about me being single is my boss because he can deploy me without it affecting my family. During a professional evaluation, my appraiser actually asked me is I was dating anyone or if I wanted help meeting some of the single teachers at the school I taught at. When I visit back in places I use to live, I am often asked this. When I talk to my family, they always ask if I am "serious" with any of my friends who are girls. I visited a church in Midland once and a gentleman who turned out to teach the singles sunday school class came up to me, introduced himself, and said "are you single?" It was refreshing to get to answer yes for once and not feel like something was wrong! Once I was at a science teacher meeting for the high schools in my district. I had prepared a few handouts and a teacher from another school commented "figured you were single since you had all this extra time." I was speechless. One Sunday in Midland I was not at church since I was out of town. My friend who is also in the choir with me missed the first service, but arrived for the second service. Since she was not at first service, someone asked where she was. Someone else then quickly asked where I was, insinuating an obvious connection. Luckily the choir director jumped in and set the record straight. It is as if there is something wrong with being single!
One Sunday at Wesley, I went to Sunday school then church. I sat in my pew by myself as was the norm. A couple from Sunday school sat a few rows in front. The wife saw me, waved, then said "you are all alone back there!" as if I hadn't noticed. They then turned around and that was the end of the conversation. During the meet and greet session, a lady in front of me turned and said "Well if you are going to sit back there all by your self you might as well sit with us." as if it was wrong for me to sit by myself! Then on the way out of church, while in the receiving line to shake hands with the preacher, he greeted and shook hands with the couple in front of me, turned to me, leaned around me, and began talking to the daughter of the couple behind me, ignoring me and not shaking my hand much less greeting me. Now me, I am pretty stubborn sometimes so I continued to come back, but one can easily see how this could have quite a negative affect on anyone who was visiting the church.
Most churches have very little that is specifically for young singles. Think of the numerous churches with "family" in their name or call themselves a "family church". Most churches have a strong focus on families as part of their mission. That's good, but there are more people outthere than just families. I have never heard a sermon, well, at least none that I can recall, that deal with issues that are specific for people like me unless the topic is dating. Over 90% of singles my age have had sex yet this is not discussed in the church. Reassurance for those who are remaining pure while single should be an important topic in the church. Society certainly paints a picture that it is wrong to be 27 and still a virgin. In college, the church I attended had a very strong college program, but even there, the sermons that dealt with such topics were always about dating. Not very applicable for singles who are not dating.
Society is focused on not being single. Focused on how to find a date, on how to attract women, on who to marry, on how to recover from divorce, on how to love your spouse. The church does a good job on responding to this. That is great for those people. How about we also focus on how to live for God as singles? This should not be about how to honor God in a dating relationship, but how to honor God in day to day living.
Biblical Teaching
Teaching and activities that are biblical based, interesting, and applicable to my life
Social activities
The social activities could be simple like going to dinner and such, just an opportunity to meet others. I would also like to participate in mission activities with others in the church. I think church should feel like a community.
A normal church service consists of some songs, passing the offering plate, a reading from the scripture, a prayer lead by someone, and a sermon from the pastor. This is how we most often experience church, sitting in the pew, listening to someone else, barely participating. If you were not there one Sunday, would "church" still happen?
To me, most churches seem almost like you are just attending a play or listening to a lecture. Surely we can do better than this.
I feel that Church should be more communal. We often find this in either small groups or Sunday school. At a church I use to attend, I did not find community through these things. I attended Sunday school for a short while, but stopped because the group I was with wasn't communal. Members came irregularly, the teachings wasn't very strong, the group was made up mainly of married couples with children and the social activities reflected that, and I wasn't been spiritually fed. For about 9 months, we had a bible study made up of people in my "social" group, young single adults. We met and had fellowship and bible study. We struggled in finding more fellowship activities, but we never had a staff member to help us and we were disbanded for being "too small." The small group had great potential, even if we were small, but unfortunately we didn't receive the support we needed from the church. The only place I found community in that church was in singing in the church choir. However, with the church as a whole, I felt like if I didn't attend church one Sunday, no one would really know. What I felt was worse was that the community ended as soon as the service was over on Sunday. I didn't feel like anyone was really concerned about me outside of church. I didn't feel like anyone wanted to really know me.
In Sunday worship, I do not find fellowship or community. I find myself sitting with people, but not knowing them. Hearing a message, but not having it delivered by someone who knows me and knows how it would apply to me. I want to be with people who are of a similar mind, growing together. I don't want to be passive! I want to be part of the Church, not just meeting in a church.
I feel that there is strength in the house church model because of the community it builds.
A few years ago I began attending Saturday night services at Grace Bible Church in College Station because I felt that the smaller group and the structure of the service built better community. The first Saturday night service that I attended had Ross King led worship, a christian musician I knew. I went home to look into his current endeavors. I knew he was a pastor at Community Church in College Station as I had attended the church for a year in college. Back then, the church met at the Hilton, then in a school cafeteria on Sunday mornings. The church now meets in Grace Bible Church, on Sunday nights. In reading about the church, I found that they met on Sunday nights for dinner, worship, fellowship, and to study God's word. During the week they met in small groups for fellowship and worship. This seemed like what a church community should be like!
I was in Austin for about 10 weeks last year and attended a church that I felt has a strong community, much like I was looking for after studying about Community Church. That church is The Well in Buda. I was disappointed that I was only a part of it for a short time. Even though I was only going to be there a few weeks, they have made me a part of their community. I was invited by a person I had only met once before. Going there, I was immediately welcomed and made a part of their community. People wanted to talk and get to know me. They invited me to join their Bible studies and group activities. They made me part of their community, even though I would only be there a few weeks. They were concerned for each other and would seek out to help those in the church. They wanted to be together. They have community.
Some people say it is an investment to get to know someone because it takes time and effort. . If it is just an investment, than it does little to invest time and effort in to knowing people who you may never see again. But that isn't what we are called to do. I met a girl once at the Saturday night service at Grace. We spent some time together but since I was only in College Station a few days a month and leaving soon for Rhode Island, it was hard to develop a long term relationship. We did get to spend time together and learned about each other, despite knowing our time would be short. Shortly before I left, she said "Thanks for taking the time to get to know me." Community isn't dependent on time.
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