In a post a couple of years ago, I wrote about
three questions a pastor asked me. They were, Where are you in your walk with God; what do you struggle with; what can the church do for you? Here were my responses from then.
1) Where are you on your walk with God?
This is hard to say. I can say where I have been, but it is hard to say where I am. I
became a Christian when I was 15. I say
became
because that is when I feel that I made a decision for myself to follow
God, though it was certainly guided by my upbringing. After becoming a
Christian, I continued to be involved in Bible studies and taught a few
Bible studies in college. My knowledge and understanding of God and
His teachings continue to change as I spend more time in His word. In
college, a lot of my beliefs were challenged. Not in a way to say they
were wrong, but challenged in that I didn't have Biblical support for
them. They were just what I was taught. Through out college, I began to
dig deeper into the Bible, learning how to study it and apply it to my
life. I feel that my beliefs today are firmly planted in scripture.
Where I am right now, I guess I feel like I am not sure. I am close to
God, spend time daily in the Word and in prayer, do a better job of
being a Christian day-by-day, and am constantly striving to be a better
Christian. Not to brag but perhaps to help me see that I am on the
right path, I have had numerous people say things that indicated that
they knew I was a strong Christian. I feel I do a much better job now
of talking about God outside of the Church. I will elaborate more on
this later. I think perhaps having my blog has helped as it has given
me a place to write my thoughts and be comfortable with them. I think I
am much better at writing than talking. As far as where I go in my
path? I have a desire to pursue nursing and use this skill in the
mission field, perhaps Africa. But as for my personal relationship with
God, I feel like I lack a mentor or leader or someone who has gone
before me who can help me on my path.
2) What do you struggle with?
Obeying God and being content with my life
Obeying God
Not
in the black and white issues of not sinning. I sin, daily even, but I
do not struggle in that as much as I do in following God's will in my
life. Here is an example
When I was in high school I had an album of Ross King called Sullivan's Flaw. I loved the entire album except song number 10, Up To Me. The
song talks about how he comes in contact with lost people everyday,
people in need of Christ, but doesn't tell them. He instead tells God
that He shouldn't leave that up to him because it isn't the best use of
his gifts.
I
didn't like this song because it seemed to call me out! To me it was
saying, "Go tell others about me!" I certainly didn't like the tone of
that.
But
then I found the answer! The answer was in the words of St. Francis of
Assisi. "Always preach the gospel, use words if necessary." That was the
answer! I didn't HAVE to tell anyone! After all, I am preaching it
without words! Yes! This will save the lost and free the pressure God
was putting on me to go and actually tell others about him.
Now
granted the words of Francis of Assis required that you were actually
living a life of righteousness. I was doing that, after all I went to
church every Sunday and often times went to Wednesday night bible study.
Sometimes I even wore a Christian shirt to school! Surely this was
living the gospel with life! You didn't have to do anything, just look the part, right?
The
song finally made sense. It wasn't wrong for the guy to tell God to not
leave the task of telling others about Jesus up to him. In fact, it was
a prayer! God, you see, I am not good at this. Find someone else. I
will just "live it." I am not good with "words."
Well
that worked well until the next time I heard the song. So I started
programming my CD player to play all the songs on the album except song
#10. This worked well until song #9 ended. Unfortunately, I had heard
the album in its entirety enough times that my mind would automatically
go to song #10 after #9.
Well surely there has to be some Biblical support for my stance. Surely God understood when others said "Hey, I will do anything
you want, but I won't do that." Oh here it is, Moses! In Exodus 4:10,
Moses speaks to God after God calls him to go and tell Pharaoh to let
the Israelites go and worship in the desert for 3 days. Moses says "O
Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you
have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Yes!
A great example for me to use before God. You see God, I am just not a
good talker. Remember when I was a kid, I couldn't even say my R's! How
am I suppose to talk about Christ when I use to say "Chwist" as a kid!
Well, God responds to Moses' plea in verse 11 and 12. "The
Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute?
Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I
will help you speak and will teach you what to say." Well, the only
solace I could find was that at least he was talking to Moses and not
me. But Moses doesn't give up. Moses begs God again in verse 13, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Surely God will understand Moses and my's plea! Then
the Lord's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your
brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on
his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. You
shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you
speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for
you, and it will be as if he were your mouth."
OK, so God got pretty upset with Moses, but at least he got out of
having to talk, right? Well, no. As we read Exodus, we see that both
Moses and Aaron have to do quite a bit of talking and a lot of work.
That isn't important when I was 16 years old. I had the example I
needed. I don't have to preach the Gospel, it's not my gift! Find
someone else!
Then in Mexico, I talked. I had gone to Tuxpan,
Mexico on a trip with my church to work on building a church and to
operate a vacation bible school for the neighborhood. One night, after
we had finished our work for the day, I was walking the streets around
the hotel with a friend. Two Mexicans walked up asking if we were
Americans. We said yes and one of them proceeded to tell us that he
worked oil rigs out of Galveston and was back home on leave. He wanted
to talk to us to practice his English. We visited with them on the
street just outside our hotel for a few minutes before one of the adults
on the trip came out to let us know it was time for evening devotion.
She saw the men and told them we were Christians. They responded that
they understood and oddly enough, I invited them to join us for evening
devotion in the hotel. Afterwards, we invited the two men to have cokes
in the hotel restaurant. I was visiting with one of the Mexicans while
my friend visited with the other. I pulled out a bible track I had in my
pocket (afterall, just carrying it is preaching the gospel without
having to talk, right?) and shared it with the man. After we talked
about, he said he wanted to take it with him so he could check a few
words in the dictionary. The next day, while walking the streets, the
Mexican and I crossed paths. He thanked me for sharing the gospel with
him and that he really appreciated it.
So I did it! I spoke! I did it once I can do it again, right?
Well,
that was that for the next 7 or 8 years. Silence returned to my mouth. I
continued to skip over track #10. I have just recently begun openly
speaking the gospel. I am not sure what caused me to finally start
talking all the time. Perhaps God's spirit finally urged me enough to
follow God. Perhaps I was tired of never hearing the gospel preached in
public and in church that the Spirit used the opportunity to get me to
begin talking. I am no longer afraid of opening my mouth and letting the
gospel come out.
The words God told Moses still ring true. He
will be our words. It is He who speaks. It is He that allows His word to
go out to the masses like a sword. It is He who will teach us what we
should say at that time. All we must do is trust and open our mouths.
Being contentIn
my own life, I am far from the person that I want to be. I often feel
that I am in constant struggle against myself. I relate to Paul when he
writes that he does the things he doesn't want to do and doesn't do what
he wants to do. I am very happy with my friends. I couldn't ask for
anything better with my friends than to wish for more time with them. I
have friends that are always there for me and are willing to do anything
for me. They care for me and seek for ways to help me be a better
person. Materially I lack for nothing. I already feel that I have way to
much stuff. I would love to be able to fit everything I owned into two
boxes. Having too much stuff does not appeal to me. I am content with my
friends, I am content with my possessions, but am not content with my
daily living.
Because I am not content with my daily living, I
often dream about living in another place or time. A much simpler life
appeals greatly to me. I often dream what my life would be like if I
lived hundreds of years ago. If perhaps I lived in grandparents
generation. Or even if I lived in a remote area. Or is I was married.
To me, these dreams are an acknowledgment that I am not content with my
life.
3) What can the Church do for you?
Accept me as I am, provide sound, Biblical based teachings and studies, and social activities.
Accept me as I am
Just
about everywhere I go, a commonly asked question is "are you married?"
It is certainly understandable but it always seems that I am
disappointing them when I say that I am single. It seems the only people
happy about me being single is my boss because he can deploy me without
it affecting my family. During a professional evaluation, my appraiser
actually asked me is I was dating anyone or if I wanted help meeting
some of the single teachers at the school I taught at. When I visit back
in places I use to live, I am often asked this. When I talk to my
family, they always ask if I am "serious" with any of my friends who are
girls. I visited a church in Midland once and a gentleman who turned
out to teach the singles sunday school class came up to me, introduced
himself, and said "are you single?" It was refreshing to get to answer
yes for once and not feel like something was wrong! Once I was at a
science teacher meeting for the high schools in my district. I had
prepared a few handouts and a teacher from another school commented
"figured you were single since you had all this extra time." I was
speechless. One Sunday in Midland I was not at church since I was out of
town. My friend who is also in the choir with me missed the first
service, but arrived for the second service. Since she was not at first
service, someone asked where she was. Someone else then quickly asked
where I was, insinuating an obvious connection. Luckily the choir
director jumped in and set the record straight. It is as if there is
something wrong with being single!
One Sunday at Wesley, I went
to Sunday school then church. I sat in my pew by myself as was the norm.
A couple from Sunday school sat a few rows in front. The wife saw me,
waved, then said "you are all alone back there!" as if I hadn't noticed.
They then turned around and that was the end of the conversation.
During the meet and greet session, a lady in front of me turned and said
"Well if you are going to sit back there all by your self you might as
well sit with us." as if it was wrong for me to sit by myself! Then on
the way out of church, while in the receiving line to shake hands with
the preacher, he greeted and shook hands with the couple in front of me,
turned to me, leaned around me, and began talking to the daughter of
the couple behind me, ignoring me and not shaking my hand much less
greeting me. Now me, I am pretty stubborn sometimes so I continued to
come back, but one can easily see how this could have quite a negative
affect on anyone who was visiting the church.
Most churches have
very little that is specifically for young singles. Think of the
numerous churches with "family" in their name or call themselves a
"family church". Most churches have a strong focus on families as part
of their mission. That's good, but there are more people outthere than
just families. I have never heard a sermon, well, at least none that I
can recall, that deal with issues that are specific for people like me
unless the topic is dating. Over 90% of singles my age have had sex yet
this is not discussed in the church. Reassurance for those who are
remaining pure while single should be an important topic in the church.
Society certainly paints a picture that it is wrong to be 27 and still a
virgin. In college, the church I attended had a very strong college
program, but even there, the sermons that dealt with such topics were
always about dating. Not very applicable for singles who are not dating.
Society is focused on not being single. Focused on how to find a
date, on how to attract women, on who to marry, on how to recover from
divorce, on how to love your spouse. The church does a good job on
responding to this. That is great for those people. How about we also
focus on how to live for God as singles? This should not be about how to
honor God in a dating relationship, but how to honor God in day to day
living.
Biblical Teaching
Teaching and activities that are biblical based, interesting, and applicable to my life
Social activities
The
social activities could be simple like going to dinner and such, just
an opportunity to meet others. I would also like to participate in
mission activities with others in the church. I think church should
feel like a community.
A normal church service consists of some
songs, passing the offering plate, a reading from the scripture, a
prayer lead by someone, and a sermon from the pastor. This is how we
most often experience church, sitting in the pew, listening to someone
else, barely participating. If you were not there one Sunday, would
"church" still happen?
To me, most churches seem almost like you
are just attending a play or listening to a lecture. Surely we can do
better than this.
I feel that Church should be more communal. We
often find this in either small groups or Sunday school. At a church I
use to attend, I did not find community through these things. I attended
Sunday school for a short while, but stopped because the group I was
with wasn't communal. Members came irregularly, the teachings wasn't
very strong, the group was made up mainly of married couples with
children and the social activities reflected that, and I wasn't been
spiritually fed. For about 9 months, we had a bible study made up of
people in my "social" group, young single adults. We met and had
fellowship and bible study. We struggled in finding more fellowship
activities, but we never had a staff member to help us and we were
disbanded for being "too small." The small group had great potential,
even if we were small, but unfortunately we didn't receive the support
we needed from the church. The only place I found community in that
church was in singing in the church choir. However, with the church as a
whole, I felt like if I didn't attend church one Sunday, no one would
really know. What I felt was worse was that the community ended
as soon as the service was over on Sunday. I didn't feel like anyone was
really concerned about me outside of church. I didn't feel like anyone
wanted to really know me.
In Sunday worship, I do not find
fellowship or community. I find myself sitting with people, but not
knowing them. Hearing a message, but not having it delivered by someone
who knows me and knows how it would apply to me. I want to be with
people who are of a similar mind, growing together. I don't want to be
passive! I want to be part of the Church, not just meeting in a church.
I feel that there is strength in the house church model because of the community it builds.
A
few years ago I began attending Saturday night services at Grace Bible
Church in College Station because I felt that the smaller group and the
structure of the service built better community. The first Saturday
night service that I attended had Ross King led worship, a christian
musician I knew. I went home to look into his current endeavors. I knew
he was a pastor at Community Church in College Station as I had attended
the church for a year in college. Back then, the church met at the
Hilton, then in a school cafeteria on Sunday mornings. The church now
meets in Grace Bible Church, on Sunday nights. In reading about the
church, I found that they met on Sunday nights for dinner, worship,
fellowship, and to study God's word. During the week they met in small
groups for fellowship and worship. This seemed like what a church
community should be like!
I was in Austin for about 10 weeks last
year and attended a church that I felt has a strong community, much
like I was looking for after studying about Community Church. That
church is The Well in Buda. I was disappointed that I was only a part of
it for a short time. Even though I was only going to be there a few
weeks, they have made me a part of their community. I was invited by a
person I had only met once before. Going there, I was immediately
welcomed and made a part of their community. People wanted to talk and
get to know me. They invited me to join their Bible studies and group
activities. They made me part of their community, even though I would
only be there a few weeks. They were concerned for each other and would
seek out to help those in the church. They wanted to be together. They
have community.
Some people say it is an investment to get to
know someone because it takes time and effort. . If it is just an
investment, than it does little to invest time and effort in to
knowing people who you may never see again. But that isn't what we are
called to do. I met a girl once at the Saturday night service at Grace.
We spent some time together but since I was only in College Station a
few days a month and leaving soon for Rhode Island, it was hard to
develop a long term relationship. We did get to spend time together and
learned about each other, despite knowing our time would be short.
Shortly before I left, she said "Thanks for taking the time to get to
know me." Community isn't dependent on time.
